WooHoo!!!

Wow, what a day yesterday was.  Okay, here’s the lowdown.  Originally we (everyone involved) agreed to an 11:00 pickup on Tuesday, then i was to go see the social workers at 11:30.  Well that time didn’t work for everyone so we changed the meeting time of the social workers to 1:30 which would mean a 1:00 pickup.  The social workers were to inform the foster mom.  Well she called me at 12:15 to see where I was.  We called back to say we were on our way for the 1:00 pickup.  She thought it was 12 and by the time I got to the social worker they had that is was 11 and thought I had already left.  Curiouser and Curiouser.  But here’s the real kicker….she had her mom bring him and when they arrived I figured it wasn’t her because there was no car seat.  She had him in a comforter buckled up in the back seat!!!  She then gets out of the car and says, are you the ones here for the baby.  Then the outfit he is in (remember, I’m kind of a snob about this), is not the outfit I sent for him.  And when I eventually change him the pants are 3-6 months and the onesie is 6-9 months.  He has baby cleavage and an elastic waistband mark.  It was so unbelievable!!  And of course he’s in shoes that are a size too small.  I put on shoes that actually fit and in his car seat he kept wiggling his feet around while laughing. 

So, on to the social worker meeting.  I signed placement papers which pretty much explained the monthly stipend and the visitation info with the bio-mom.  We (my mom was there at pickup time), explained the lack of a carseat and the uber small cloathing and she made a formal complaint to investigate the lack of a carseat.  Good, at least someone is doing their job.  So the visitation arrangement is every Sunday from 2-4 but apparently she gets fidgety after an hour.  (I know, after an HOUR, if I hadn’t seen my child all week 59 minutes would not fill that void.)  So, I’ll likely bring a book and hopefully they have a seperate seating area so I can let her have her time and be done with it.  The social worker shared that Korbin was taken into custody on January 4 so this is exactly 6 months coming up.  Because he is so little she will be given another 6months (of services such as section 8 and food stamps) to get herself in order.  If she misses 3 visits her visitation will be discountinued.  I know it’s not nice, but I’m anticipating her failure, again.  I actually am just hoping she feels comfortable with me caring for her child and she can tell herself he will be okay and that she doesn’t have to fight for him anymore.  She’s not putting up a huge fight to begin with, but she still is in the picture.

Now, on to the evening.  Korbin was such a toddler yesterday.  He was into everything and in such a spicy little mood.  I think he totally got the gravity of the move, because he was more temperamental and having little tantrums on and off when things wouldn’t go his way.  He also was exhausted because the mother of the foster mom who dropped him off said he hadn’t napped all day.  So he slept for an hour at the social worker meeting and then fell asleep at home at 6:30 and when I went to move him to his bed 2 hours later (I know, why the heck did I wait so long), he woke up.  I got him a bottle and he kind or fell back to sleep then by 9:15 he was fully awake.  By 11 (at night!) he was showing signs of sleepiness so I gave him a bath, another bottle and he was sort of asleep then he kept trying to clap his hands and pull his hair to keep himself awake.  By this time, I was EXHAUSTED.  I was so excited earlier in the morning that I barely slept, but by this hour I was so over being awake.  I finally just laid him down, frustrated at myself for doing such a stupid attempt at a schedule, and he started crying.  He fussed for like a min and then I just crawled out of the room since he was crawling around his bed fussing and trying to fight sleep.  Yes, you heard me correctly, I crawled out of the room.  I didn’t want him to see me walk away and cause some form of distorted bonding.  Last time he had his overnights he had a rougher first day.  I think it’s just the getting used to all of it.  Plus it’s really hard to know what his morning consisted of so I cannot base an afternoon and evening based on ‘I wonder’s.’  Oh, well, today will be better.  Right now the prince is asleep, of course, and I will have a relaxing morning of coffee and laundry. 

Until tomorrows adventures begin…Melanie out. 

Visits are easy it’s the saying goodbye that is hard

So I am in the home stretch.  just a few more days and my baby is home.  I had my first/our first overnight visits on Thursday and Friday and Korbin did really well.  It took him about 30 min of tossing and turning and tears to fall asleep on Thursday only for me to realize he is likely used to a bottle before he falls asleep because Friday night was a piece of cake.  Bath, book, bottle and he was out in just a few minutes.

 

The following complaints will likely never be seen by my child, it’s just downright mean.

Now to vent about his current foster mom. Grrrr, she is so darn irritating.  I totally get that her heart may be hurting, but it’s been a  month and it’s about time for her to start getting a grip on the reality of the situation.  She is quite unyielding to share information which doesn’t really make much sense to me.  Wouldn’t a person want what is best for the baby and therefore try to make their (the baby’s) life a better place with or without them (the foster mom) around?  I think about him every day he’s not with me.  I hope he is sleeping okay and I hope he had fun today.  I hope he wasn’t sad and I hope he ate okay.  If I actually could communicate with her like a real person instead of her treating me like the enemy I would call to check in and I would be more than fine with her doing the same when he’s here.  I would even schedule visits to keep in touch with her and her family, since she likely feels like she’s loosing a family member.  But then I remember….he’s lived at her house for 4 months!  I have known him for one month, and he was with his bio-family for 6+ months, so I don’t understand why she is ’staking a claim’ in him.  It’s just ridiculous.  I was going to give her a thank you card from Korbin and me.  A thank you for taking such good care of him and allowing him to become part of their extending family.  I was going to thank her for all the hugs and nose wipes and diaper changes and restless nights providing such great care for him.  But now, now I’m just pissed and I could care less about making this easier for her.  I’m just counting down the hours at my job when I can leave with my heels on fire to go pick him up on Tuesday or like I love saying, the day after tomorrow.  I have a very, very brief time off, but since I work in a preschool I should be able to keep him in my office more than half the day and bounce back and forth between his classroom to allow for better bonding.  I just have to keep this about him and making life a better place for him and to heck with whatever her problem is.  My advice to good ‘ole foster mom is she better figure out if she can do this or not.  If she wants to continue providing foster care she needs to be able to detach and attach and not be so darn bitter towards the next care provider.  I guess I just don’t get it because I’m so happy with my life right now.  I’m totally not looking forward to her attitude on Tuesday but within moments of seeing her she’ll speed away like she always does and I won’t have to worry about her anymore.

Oh, one more vent.  On Thursday when I picked him up for his overnight visit she sent him with this massive duffel bag with maybe 10-11 pieces of clothing and like four pairs of socks.  I didn’t use any of, mainly because I already have some outfits for him and I can be a clothing snob.  However, I feel justified here.  Mind you, Korbin is 12 months old and is only 19 pounds and a few ounces.  So he comfortably wears most 9 month sizes.  When I brought him home I changed him out of his outfit and it was a stinking 3-6 months!!!  Can you believe it.  Good thing he had a diaper on but his shoulders and crotch were about to meet.  When I opened his bag on Saturday before I brought him back I noticed he had a few 0-3 month onesies and an 18 month sweat suit (um, we live in Northern cali where all the fires have been filling the air, and, um, it’s summer), and a few other assorted outfits that were 3 and 6 months.  So I pack an outfit for her to send him home in. A) because it will fit and B) because she will likely have more placements and I don’t want to hear her moan and witch about ‘loosing’ an outfit.  Also, all his shoes are easily a size to small, it’s the saddest thing: once you take his shoes off he wiggles and stretches his toes out.  Anyway, so when I drop him off I let her know that I put an outfit in a bag for him so she doesn’t have to use her clothes.  She says, what clothes?  I repeated what I said.  She said, ‘no those are all hisclothes.’  In my shock, I said, ‘well whatever is easiest.’  What was she thinking?!?  Those were his clothes from what, BIRTH!  I just don’t get the lack of…I don’t know.  But, gosh, what a wack-a-doo.  Well, there’s my vent for the evening.  I will so let you know when he’s home.  I pick him up at 1 pm pacific time, send me happy thoughts.

Today’s Visit

Oh, there will be many posts with this title over the next few weeks.  I had sucha grand visit today.  I picked Korbin up at 10 and didn’t have to bring him back to his grumpy, bitter foster momma until 3.  I held him in my arms while he slept and enjoyed every minute of it.  I am slowly falling in love with this little guy and I am just so bummed he isn’t home for a few more weeks.  Today was so much better than last week.  I was in tears as I rounded the corner to bring him home.  I have been waiting 3 years to walk my little one into their new house and it totally hit me today just moments before the key entered the lock.  I am so looking forward to July 1st when he can be home (hopefully… I hold back ‘just-in-case’ reservation, ’cause you never know).

I have so much I would like to accomplish before he comes home, but since he is so little he could really care less about how much laundry I have to get done.

It was kind of sad when it came time to return him.  I guess there was just too much newness for one day and while we were getting gas in the car he started to cough a little and puke.  Puddles upon puddles of vomit, but he wasn’t crying and he must of felt better because he was all talkative and playing while I was attempting to clean him up.  I wish I had a better relationship with his FM so I could give her a call and see how he is doing.  She is having a difficult time with this but she really doesn’t have to be so intimidatingly mean.  I am trying my hardest to be friendly every time I see her, but it’s so difficult when she is so, well, not very nice.  I want to say, ‘you didn’t give birth to him, you’ve known him for 3+ months, what the heck is your problem?’  I’m so glad she bonds quickly, but as an adult on the planet you need to know yourself so you know how you would be able to respond to growing to love a child and having them leave with little to no notice.  I wish she would read a blog or two so she could see that sometimes you get hours notice before a child leaves, not a month like she has had.  Grrrr, she’s such a pain in my tush.

Oh, well, I get to see my son on Wednesday from 11-5, he will be turning one and I can’t wait to take a ton of pictures.  Also, he came in 3-6 month clothing (mind you he will be 1 in two days), so I quickly changed him 9-month clothing, which was a little loose, but gave him room to breath at least).  Ugh, this woman is loosing points really quick in my book.  Until Wednesday.