Visitation update

So I see the Prince today, in a few hours actually and yesterday I finally spoke to a real person.  After leaving voicemail upon voicemail and email upon email I finally was able to talk to the adoption coordinator (AC).  She called and said that the foster mom (FM) had given her a call to reschedule one of the visits for next week to a Monday instead of a Tuesday because she has jury duty.  The AC told her that if she gets called into jury duty she should notconsider using anyone else as a babysitter except for me.  The FM then wanted to double check that the visits were still supposed to be just an hour and the AC told her they were to increase as of next week.  The visitations starting Monday should be at least half a day and work their way up to a full day especially since he will have a two-day overnight visit on the 26th.  Thennnn, I realized that his doctor’s appointment (the one he was supposed to have Monday, but it was rescheduled until after he was 1) is scheduled for my next all day visit.  So today I will need to have her reschedule that because I do not want to have an all day visit after he get shots and probably feels pretty crappy. 

The best thing the AC said was that his move date is the 30th of the month.  WOOHOO, I just gained a day.  That is all I really wanted.  Well, I wanted him home the moment I met him, but with FM’s attachment and dragging her feet (I don’t blame her, he’s adorable), I am just happy to have him home before July, even if it’s just a day.  Today I can make a time-off request for the two days I have him and his perhaps his move-in date.  i just made a schedule which should work for her, I am having a hard time being flexible and putting her feelings into this when she has had him for such a short time, but it’s a little easier knowing I will have him forever.

Next week I meet the Prince

I am so very excited.  I meet my little guy next Wednesday.  This week was really busy for both of the social workers (not for me, but no one asked), so I will be meeting my SW and the adoption coordinator on Wednesday at 1 pm Pacific time and then the foster mom comes with the Prince at 1:30 and I get to ask her a ton of questions as well as spend a few hours with him.  I know 11 months can kind of be on the fence.  He may do really well with new people or be so not cool.  I am thinking I will be bribing him with Gerber puffs, cheerios, noise toys and something soft and cuddly.  I was told the visitations will depend on him (previously my SW mentioned it will also depend on the foster family).  I am thinking we will should have a good connection and hopefully by NEXT WEEKEND I will have him home.  I don’t know why that is so important to me, but it’s been such a long journey the days are slowly dragging by now that I am in the final stretch.  I have washed virtually every item in my home, whether it needed it or not.    Last week I was a little freaked out because it finally seemed real, but now I’m so ready and Wednesday doesn’t seem so far off right now.  I requested a recent picture of him and it looks like the adoption coordinator was still working on that.  I would like to know what he looks like before I meet with him, but if not, that’s okay as well.  I can’t believe he is a real boy.  I also found the cutest clothes.  Thankfully there are some really cute things out there for boys.   (I know things will not be a piece of cake from here on out.  There will be hearings and more paperwork and God knows what else, but for the time being he will be here and not some distant dream.)

More updates to come (sooner than later)….

Not much news.

My SW had been sick for a week and when I emailed her asking for an update she said they haven’t been placing children in care over the last week (but then again she was sick, so perhaps she wouldn’t have known).  This was disappointing so I emailed her last week and asked if I could be considered for two cases at the same time.  Perhaps a two-year-old girl while I waited for an infant.  She just emailed me back on Friday to say because adoption is an emotional roller coaster they do not place more than one child with a family (unless they are siblings).  This makes sense since there are court hearings and possible visitations and that could get a little crazy to juggle, but I wanted to ask her because not knowing is no fun.  She said they are still doing all the checks for extended family and to hang in there.  So maybe there is a waiting period between contacting grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles.  Perhaps it’s one of those things where they have to follow some type of protocol while they wait and when all extended family passes then they can place the baby with me and await TPR (termination of parental rights).  So I’m still excited and impatient and waiting and nesting and making lists and checking them four and five times and frustrated and irritated and so very over the waiting period.  I am however working on being appreciative for my extra sleep since I can guarantee I will not have any 9 straight hour nights without paying a sitter or enlisting my mom after the baby arrives.  Just wanted to give everyone an update and sorry I didn’t have better news, both for myself and everyone in blogland.  And someone had asked about naming a foster child.  For me I know they will likely come to me with a name already, but their ‘pet name’ will likely turn into their “new” name.  I had a mom in my old preschool center that was foster/adopting a little guy and we knew his birthname (which was God forsaken) and the name she was going to give him and he got a lovely hodgepodge of the two.  He responded to both names and once she got closer to completing the process she called him by his birth name less often.  I liked how she did that and I think I may do the same, but it depends on how old they are.  For the younger ones social services here in California wants to complete the process within 6 months.  Especially if this is a case where bio-fam/mom has had multiple children taken out of their care and placed for adoption within the last couple of years.  They give them a chance, but when no steps are taken towards visitation or completing classes or training it becomes fairly obvious they are not fighting for their child, or perhaps they physically/mentally are not able to due to addiction or mental incapacity.

 I really do expect to have my baby home by spring.  I DO NOT want to go on 4 years of waiting for a baby. 

More news to come and have no fear y’all will be one of the first to know.  First, a call to my closest friends, then an email to all extended friends, then blogland gets the news.  No fancy announcement, just a hearty…GUESS WHAT!  Oh, that’ll be fun.

Social Worker Aftermath

So her questions were painless, what is your relationship like with you parents, dating experiences, who is the most influential person in your life and why (I said my mom, should I have said Jesus), what was your childhood like, what are your feelings about the biological parents, how would you describe your life right now (I said good and that I’m content, but I wanted to say I’m a wee bit stressed since this is year 3, blah, blah, blah), and what was the most traumatic time in your life and how did you handle it (um, my dad walking out January 1st of ‘04, ’cause that was one of the things on his New Year’s resolution list, along with being financially stable and getting his teeth fixed)?  She was done in 45 min and said once she writes the homestudy she’ll submit it to her supervisor to sign off on then I get a congratulations letter in the mail.  But then she said the best part (and twice) that there is a meeting this afternoon and she has submitted my name to be matched with a baby or child.  Oh maybe I’ll have grand news by the end of the week.  If the child is already on the adoption track we will both have the same social worker, if they are still in foster care and no parental rights have been terminated then we will likely have different social workers.  I really didn’t care much after she said she submitted my name to be matched.  Now depending on how many children and families are being submitted and what extensive needs the children have I know realistically I may or may not get matched, but to know I’m in the mix feels like deal or no deal odds, and that’s pretty good.

Social Worker Visit #2

My social worker will be dropping by at 9 Pacific time to do her second visit.  I’m not sure how long she’ll take or if she’ll do another once through the house (I’ll be making my bed and mopping the bathroom floors just in case).  I am hoping and praying and hoping and praying that she’ll have a referral for me.  I am so very over the waiting.  It’s starting to get really emotionally heart wrenching right now.  Friends of mine are due any second with their babies (one it’s her second and the other it’s her third).  I think it’s most difficult to know they will be having their baby (and one has had a lot of difficulties with miscarriages and the like) likely before I have mine and I’ve been waiting for 3 years!!!  Oh I need to just stop before the tears come back.  Anyway, I digress, I will let everyone know as soon as I know something from the SW.  Again, hoping and praying and hoping and praying she has wonderful news for me.  If not, tomorrow’s goin’ be a crappy day!

License Arrival

WooHoo!!!  My foster care license arrived in the mail today as did my stipend checks that cover the cost of my CPR class and my fingerprinting.  That is so nice.  That will happily go towards my fund.  I love with there is some form of progress so now I can call my social worker by Wednesday to schedule her next visit.  A simple reminder to inform her that I received my license in the mail and I look forward to our next meeting.  “So I can clear my calendar, when did you want to schedule that?”  That sounds pushy and nice enough at the same time.

Good News on a Friday

So my social worker responds glowingly to emails.  Yeah me!  I sent her one a day before she returned from her vacation because I wanted to make sure she received all the paperwork I sent, yadda, yadda, yadda.  She responded that she has a great vacation and that she couldn’t schedule my second visit until she received all my paperwork.  Although slightly bummed it just lit a fire under me to complete everything.  Then I was emailing a friend back and forth and she said the reference letter they sent her was ruined by the rain and she needed a new one, so I emailed the social worker back to let her know to resend it and that I was able to schedule a physical but they only perform them once a month so my appointment isn’t until the 12th of February.  And I added a little sad face at the end of my email, but signed off, “I thought you’d like to know, thanks for all your help thusfar.”  She then emails me back to say she’ll resend the letter to my friend and she’ll call me in 2-3 weeks to schedule my individual meeting.  I’m really excited because I won’t even have my physical done by then.  Annnnd I remember when she first met with me that she said there have been many times that she has a child/children matched with the family before their second meeting.  Sometimes she’ll surprise the family on their second meeting with a possible match and other times children will already be placed in the home by the time she has her second meeting.  I’m hoping someone or two someones files have crossed her desk that she thinks would be perfect for me and now she knows we’ll need to meet sooner than the middle of next month.  Wishful thinking perhaps, but who cares, it makes it one happy Friday!

Fingerprints :)

Oh, it was a happy Friday.  The licensing social worker called me back on Friday (after a 6 day vacation) to let me know my prints cleared and that she had entered me into the system so I can take emergency placements.  Her supervisor will be in the office Wednesday to sign off on my paperwork and I can expect to receive my license in the mail within 2 weeks.  WooHoo!!!!  Good news.  Theeeeeen, I called my adoption social worker (who is out of town until the 3rd) to leave her a message with all my updates and I look forward to leaving her an email on Monday and another phone call Thursday afternoon.  I know I have very little that needs to be done so I want to get some feedback from her so I can get some form of time-line (even if it’s nothing more than I already don’t know).  I haven’t looked so forward to the new year is quite sometime, but thankfully I can say (with ultimate positivity), “I will have my kids home in 2008!”  I have a ‘waiting video’ I made months ago, I need to figure out how to post that.  It’s sort of a tear jearker.  Well, it was for me at the time.

Boiled Nipples

I thought that would catch some attention.  I am in the middle of a nasty cold and nesting like crazy.  I can now say for sure that I will (likely) have a placement in the next few months so I want to be ready at the drop of a hat.  I finished washing, folding, organizing and sorting all laundry 0 months-5T (’cause you never know how old or rather what size your child is going to fit into), and today I boiled all the nipples of the bottles and pacifiers I have.  I realized I simply had them in packages and it would be nice to be prepared and know that I could have a bottle ready in just a few moments instead of knowing I had one more thing to do before I could even prepare the bottle.  I still feel completely unprepared in some respects especially since my age range in 0-4 years.  There are so many developmental milestones that a child could be at by the time they come home, so not knowing is now slightly more stressful than the waiting.  I guess I’ve become so accustomed to waiting that not waiting is actually a little scary right now too.  I have been waiting for years, years I tell ya so not waiting is actually a little foreign to me and I don’t know how I’ll do with that.  More prayer I guess. 

On a slightly different note: I called the licensing social worker Tuesday about my fingerprints and she hadn’t heard anything so she told me to call back Thursday or Friday.  I called Friday morning around 10 (no answer, so I left a detailed message) and, since I was sick I forgot to call back and nag her around 5.  I really have started to dislike Friday in the adoption world.  No answers by Friday means no answers for two more days, because my people don’t seem to work on weekends in my behalf.  Annnnd since Tuesday is a holiday and many of the social workers work Tuesday-Friday I likely won’t hear any news until Wednesday IF they are in the office and not taking some tropical holiday while my paperwork and case sits all cozy-like on their desk.  On a good note, my references received licensing forms that are similar to background checks but ask questions about my character and the like.  I sent in almost all the paperwork needed by my adoption social worker, but I need my fingerprints to clear before any of that even matters.  I had my prints done almost 3 weeks ago, but gladly they didn’t get kicked back so, albeit slowly, they are processing.  I’m hoping and praying I’ll hear grand news about my prints clearing no later than Wednesday and from the time they clear the licensing social worker can transfer my certification from my old agency to county and then I can receive a placement.  That’s why this means so much to me.  The only thing I need to complete for the adoption social worker is my physical (which I would like to be over my cold before I get that done), and last years taxes (I usually do my taxes every 3 years, strange, I know, but it works for me since I rarely owe).  Once the prints clear I’ll call my adoption social worker and start the nagging/butt kissing, whatever works to keep myself glowingly present in her mind for any upcoming cuties.  My friend/neighbor said I should make a preference for the cute ones.  I told her as soon as I know they are likely to be ‘mine’ they will be the cutest children I’ve ever seen.  I know that sounds sappy, but I wouldn’t be surprised it that’s how it played out.

My next question and/or topic is, how do I plan a baby shower?  Since the children are likely to be a sibling group and the adoption may not be finalized for a year do I wait until it’s finalized to have an adoption finalization party or do I wait until I know parental rights are terminated and then have a gathering of close friends to celebrate that event (which is celebratory to me, but may not be the best news to a child who doesn’t get to live with their bio family) or do I just plan some type of congrats party (as soon as they arrive home) and welcome all the gifts and love and well wishes and just treat their placement as any other referral where once your child comes home they wouldn’t leave (even those they might, but likely wouldn’t)?  I’m so confused on this.  I know my friends and family want to celebrate and I do welcome gifts and necessities from those who want to share in my joy, I just don’t know the etiquette on this type of situation.  I am so going to have to google this.

 I’ll post more as soon as I know it.  Come on Wednesday!!!!  Come on good news!!!

Fingerprint, Visits and Waiting, oh my!

Fingerprints:So I did these (for time #9 or 10, I can’t remember anymore), the day before Thanksgiving.  I drove 45 min. away to the only place open (some stinky photo shop spelled “foto”), and then I noticed some funky wording on the fingerprint form.  The lady doing the prints asked what she should write, since I was unsure and no one at county was answering their phones, I told her to copy it just as it was printed on the form.  It was printed on the form by someone other than myself.  When I finally got a call back on the Monday after Thanksgiving I was told, “oh, everyone just writes over that and puts in foster care.”  So I had the privileged(read with dripping sarcasm) of waiting until they got kicked back which was on this Monday and then I had them re-done at the police station 3 min. from my house.  I had to pay another tiny fee and now I return to what feels like a permanent waiting position.  The licensing gal told me that she completed everything else and that once the prints clear she will be able to issue me a foster care license from the county.  That is exciting news, well, it’s half exciting news.  I think I should hear something by next Wednesday about them clearing.  By now I just want it to be January so I can start a new year with memories and a family and not frustrations and an empty house.  Oh, and when I complained about the idiot stick who typed out the form incorrectly the lady at county said,” oh, I’ll have to look into that.”  Which I took to mean, “sure thing, hun!  When my work load takes a time trip to sometime past never then I’m all over having someone I’ve never met reprint a form that doesn’t truly affect me even though my job is in the social services fingerprinting department.”  So chances are if you’re getting your prints done in San Joaquin County, you better fill that part of the form in yourself.

Visits: My adoption social worker came by today and I was so nervous.  You would think since this is the 5th social worker I’ve dealt with in the past 2 years that I would be a pro by now, but I had been calling her (well, I’ve been talking to her machine) for a week and a half to have her send me some of the paperwork ahead of time so I could get started on it.  I knew I was going to have to make a doctors appointment and I wanted to see the form so I could know what needed to be done.  I am so over waiting, in case you couldn’t tell, so I wanted to be able to get a jump on whatever I could before she arrived.  No such luck!  I did, however complete about half of the forms she needed and I mailed them out within a few hours of her leaving.  She said it takes a good two weeks to start a file on me and get it back from the clerks office, but she did have slightly good news.  Since she is the one who will be referring my children to me as soon as I have my foster care license I am eligible for a placement.  She has been working at her job for 20 years (gosh, I admire her stability), and she matches children based on how much they look like the adoptive families.  She said she has had families wait just a few weeks and before she can schedule her second visit, she finds a good match for them, and she has some with very specific requirements that have been waiting more than 3 months.  I think I can still hope, pray, wish and want to have my kiddos by Spring, but things could turn out really well, and it could be less than  two months.  I would be over the moon if I knew who my children were by the end of the year, but I’ve made it this far, I can endure another couple weeks.

Waiting:  I think this topic has been well addressed.  I feel slightly less hopeless this week, or rather today, or rather this minute, but life is life and sometimes it’s terrific and sometimes it’s not.  I take it day by day, or in the case of social workers with 4-day work weeks, Tuesday-Friday.  And then all over again.

My Thought for the Day:  Here I sit, complete with the past, grateful for the present, hopeful for the future.  And tired of waiting, or maybe I’m just plain tired!