On to some happy news. Korbin’s birth certificate arrived in the mail on Wednesday. And since I am his mom, maybe I now have an explanation for my stretch marks. 
Birth Certificate
When you need a good cry
Just read your own blog. Seriously, start at the beginning and so quickly you are in this life time machine where you are back on the same couch in that old house living and reliving those same emotions. All the ‘lost’ children and missed cases and maybe babies. All those, I almost had, and wouldn’t it be nice if cases. All those children in just a few years and I have my Korbin. It’s crazy because I don’t know what I would do if he wasn’t in my life. If things had gone differently and permanency would not have been the outcome for me I have no idea what land I would live in right now. I have learned so much during this journey, not only about the adoption system but about myself. I am one hell of a person and industrial strength strong. Anyone who years to hold their child in their arms without knowing what they will look like, how old they will be or even what race they are will get this. If you have every soaked your pillow with tears about a maybe or just because you had never wanted something so much in your life as to hold a child in your arms and call them your own will get this. Anyone who had their heart ache so much that it felt like it was going to come out of their skin because someone announced in excitement they were pregnant, or better yet, pregnant again will get it. For anyone who experienced the lowest lows and the deepest sadness loss could bring will get it. The journey is so worth it in the end but the path is so worn with sadness and effort and hurt that it seems like it will never truly be worth it even when others support your effort and tell you it will. For anyone who wants to know how much your heart can grow and hurt and love can just jump in with both feet and adopt. I doubt there is ever an *easy* path; I doubt there is every truly a *fast* path, I doubt there is a journey that does not take you to your wit’s end and back again; I know I am not the only one who has stressed about the maybes. I am so overjoyed and thankful I have this person in my life forever. This person that drives me crazy, makes me laugh until I cannot breath, makes me miss sleep like it’s life’s water, rush home just to see his face when I have been gone, and love him more than I thought it was even humanly possible to love someone. This person that is growing up every day. I have my son, the son I waited 3 years for. Three damn years! And he is here, and I am truly in some form of awe every day. I hope I never lose appreciation for the gift of my son that his (bio)mother has given me. I hope I raise this boy to add to society and not take away from it. I hope I am always thankful to be a part of his life and him a part of mine. I hope I am forever grateful for Korbin being Korbin and me being his mom, God, I never want to lose that.
And, yeah, if you ever need a good cry….just read through your own journey. It may not be in print, but relive those moments and see them for the lesson they ended up being, for the truth they taught you and for the inspiration they gave you to move, get up, walk, and learn the next day. I am drenched with my own tears right now. Each tear that falls carries its own history and story and emotion. I have experienced so little in 30 years and yet sooo very much. I cannot guarantee I will take this path again, but now that I can see remember where I have been can I truly see where I can go. I can handle anything! Nothing can break me indefinitely, nothing can hold me down for eternity, nothing can take me away from what I know I want and desire and need. When I know for sure I want to have a second I will be successful and I refuse to learn for another 3 years.
Vegas, Baby, Vegas
This is Korbin’s first trip to Vegas and aside from all the cigarette smoke, he’s having a lot of fun. We went to the movies for the first time yesterday and he did soooo good! I’m so proud of my little man. He was sure he was a big boy after that.
