Visits are easy it’s the saying goodbye that is hard

So I am in the home stretch.  just a few more days and my baby is home.  I had my first/our first overnight visits on Thursday and Friday and Korbin did really well.  It took him about 30 min of tossing and turning and tears to fall asleep on Thursday only for me to realize he is likely used to a bottle before he falls asleep because Friday night was a piece of cake.  Bath, book, bottle and he was out in just a few minutes.

 

The following complaints will likely never be seen by my child, it’s just downright mean.

Now to vent about his current foster mom. Grrrr, she is so darn irritating.  I totally get that her heart may be hurting, but it’s been a  month and it’s about time for her to start getting a grip on the reality of the situation.  She is quite unyielding to share information which doesn’t really make much sense to me.  Wouldn’t a person want what is best for the baby and therefore try to make their (the baby’s) life a better place with or without them (the foster mom) around?  I think about him every day he’s not with me.  I hope he is sleeping okay and I hope he had fun today.  I hope he wasn’t sad and I hope he ate okay.  If I actually could communicate with her like a real person instead of her treating me like the enemy I would call to check in and I would be more than fine with her doing the same when he’s here.  I would even schedule visits to keep in touch with her and her family, since she likely feels like she’s loosing a family member.  But then I remember….he’s lived at her house for 4 months!  I have known him for one month, and he was with his bio-family for 6+ months, so I don’t understand why she is ’staking a claim’ in him.  It’s just ridiculous.  I was going to give her a thank you card from Korbin and me.  A thank you for taking such good care of him and allowing him to become part of their extending family.  I was going to thank her for all the hugs and nose wipes and diaper changes and restless nights providing such great care for him.  But now, now I’m just pissed and I could care less about making this easier for her.  I’m just counting down the hours at my job when I can leave with my heels on fire to go pick him up on Tuesday or like I love saying, the day after tomorrow.  I have a very, very brief time off, but since I work in a preschool I should be able to keep him in my office more than half the day and bounce back and forth between his classroom to allow for better bonding.  I just have to keep this about him and making life a better place for him and to heck with whatever her problem is.  My advice to good ‘ole foster mom is she better figure out if she can do this or not.  If she wants to continue providing foster care she needs to be able to detach and attach and not be so darn bitter towards the next care provider.  I guess I just don’t get it because I’m so happy with my life right now.  I’m totally not looking forward to her attitude on Tuesday but within moments of seeing her she’ll speed away like she always does and I won’t have to worry about her anymore.

Oh, one more vent.  On Thursday when I picked him up for his overnight visit she sent him with this massive duffel bag with maybe 10-11 pieces of clothing and like four pairs of socks.  I didn’t use any of, mainly because I already have some outfits for him and I can be a clothing snob.  However, I feel justified here.  Mind you, Korbin is 12 months old and is only 19 pounds and a few ounces.  So he comfortably wears most 9 month sizes.  When I brought him home I changed him out of his outfit and it was a stinking 3-6 months!!!  Can you believe it.  Good thing he had a diaper on but his shoulders and crotch were about to meet.  When I opened his bag on Saturday before I brought him back I noticed he had a few 0-3 month onesies and an 18 month sweat suit (um, we live in Northern cali where all the fires have been filling the air, and, um, it’s summer), and a few other assorted outfits that were 3 and 6 months.  So I pack an outfit for her to send him home in. A) because it will fit and B) because she will likely have more placements and I don’t want to hear her moan and witch about ‘loosing’ an outfit.  Also, all his shoes are easily a size to small, it’s the saddest thing: once you take his shoes off he wiggles and stretches his toes out.  Anyway, so when I drop him off I let her know that I put an outfit in a bag for him so she doesn’t have to use her clothes.  She says, what clothes?  I repeated what I said.  She said, ‘no those are all hisclothes.’  In my shock, I said, ‘well whatever is easiest.’  What was she thinking?!?  Those were his clothes from what, BIRTH!  I just don’t get the lack of…I don’t know.  But, gosh, what a wack-a-doo.  Well, there’s my vent for the evening.  I will so let you know when he’s home.  I pick him up at 1 pm pacific time, send me happy thoughts.

Today’s Visit

Oh, there will be many posts with this title over the next few weeks.  I had sucha grand visit today.  I picked Korbin up at 10 and didn’t have to bring him back to his grumpy, bitter foster momma until 3.  I held him in my arms while he slept and enjoyed every minute of it.  I am slowly falling in love with this little guy and I am just so bummed he isn’t home for a few more weeks.  Today was so much better than last week.  I was in tears as I rounded the corner to bring him home.  I have been waiting 3 years to walk my little one into their new house and it totally hit me today just moments before the key entered the lock.  I am so looking forward to July 1st when he can be home (hopefully… I hold back ‘just-in-case’ reservation, ’cause you never know).

I have so much I would like to accomplish before he comes home, but since he is so little he could really care less about how much laundry I have to get done.

It was kind of sad when it came time to return him.  I guess there was just too much newness for one day and while we were getting gas in the car he started to cough a little and puke.  Puddles upon puddles of vomit, but he wasn’t crying and he must of felt better because he was all talkative and playing while I was attempting to clean him up.  I wish I had a better relationship with his FM so I could give her a call and see how he is doing.  She is having a difficult time with this but she really doesn’t have to be so intimidatingly mean.  I am trying my hardest to be friendly every time I see her, but it’s so difficult when she is so, well, not very nice.  I want to say, ‘you didn’t give birth to him, you’ve known him for 3+ months, what the heck is your problem?’  I’m so glad she bonds quickly, but as an adult on the planet you need to know yourself so you know how you would be able to respond to growing to love a child and having them leave with little to no notice.  I wish she would read a blog or two so she could see that sometimes you get hours notice before a child leaves, not a month like she has had.  Grrrr, she’s such a pain in my tush.

Oh, well, I get to see my son on Wednesday from 11-5, he will be turning one and I can’t wait to take a ton of pictures.  Also, he came in 3-6 month clothing (mind you he will be 1 in two days), so I quickly changed him 9-month clothing, which was a little loose, but gave him room to breath at least).  Ugh, this woman is loosing points really quick in my book.  Until Wednesday.

Update on Visitations

Oh happy day!!!  I was able to talk to the Prince’s SW today and she agreed that the visitations of an hour (which is all I got today, almost to the minute), are ridiculous.  It was so nice to hear I wasn’t crazy.  So far, she has the visits as 5-8 hours over the next two weeks, which makes so much more sense.  I had mentioned to one of the SW’s if familiarization is the important thing, then we are already there and he could move in tomorrow, but if bonding and forming a connection is the thing, then I need more than an hour in a McDonald’s with Motown hits of the 70’s and 80’s playing in the background.

Today’s visit was so sad at times when I just keep seeing the clock countdown on my 60 golden minutes.  I kept getting all sad thinking I would have to say goodbye and not be able to see him until Monday.  Now, I can’t stop smiling because I will actually get to show him his room and slowly get him used to the environment.  i had told his SW that it really isn’t fair that he doesn’t get some amount of time to become familiar with his eventual home. 

I was able to take some pictures and I am including some that leave his face a little less than obvious…he’s such a cutie!!

Visitation update

So I see the Prince today, in a few hours actually and yesterday I finally spoke to a real person.  After leaving voicemail upon voicemail and email upon email I finally was able to talk to the adoption coordinator (AC).  She called and said that the foster mom (FM) had given her a call to reschedule one of the visits for next week to a Monday instead of a Tuesday because she has jury duty.  The AC told her that if she gets called into jury duty she should notconsider using anyone else as a babysitter except for me.  The FM then wanted to double check that the visits were still supposed to be just an hour and the AC told her they were to increase as of next week.  The visitations starting Monday should be at least half a day and work their way up to a full day especially since he will have a two-day overnight visit on the 26th.  Thennnn, I realized that his doctor’s appointment (the one he was supposed to have Monday, but it was rescheduled until after he was 1) is scheduled for my next all day visit.  So today I will need to have her reschedule that because I do not want to have an all day visit after he get shots and probably feels pretty crappy. 

The best thing the AC said was that his move date is the 30th of the month.  WOOHOO, I just gained a day.  That is all I really wanted.  Well, I wanted him home the moment I met him, but with FM’s attachment and dragging her feet (I don’t blame her, he’s adorable), I am just happy to have him home before July, even if it’s just a day.  Today I can make a time-off request for the two days I have him and his perhaps his move-in date.  i just made a schedule which should work for her, I am having a hard time being flexible and putting her feelings into this when she has had him for such a short time, but it’s a little easier knowing I will have him forever.

Our first meeting

And what a cutie he is! (He appeared to be a mix of Hispanic and African American.) Strangely though it was a very odd situation.  The foster mom has had him for a little over 3 months but she wasn’t really aware that he was going to be moving to an adoptive home.  Sooooo she was a little less than joyful to meet me.  There were a flock of SW’s explaining the situation to her and explaining who I was.  As they were explaining all this to her, she scooped him up, sat him in her lap and crossed her arms.  I felt really crappy that this was all news to her.  She seemed a little bitter and irritated.  I have an email in draft for my SW to explain my frustration with the agreed upon visitations.  So far I won’t see him again until next Monday for a doctor’s appointment (he gets shots, I don’t want to be the bad guy for that one)!  Then I see him again on the Thursday.  We initially planned an overnight visit for the third weekend in the month and she said she had plans for his birthday so that wouldn’t work.  When we bumped it up to the weekend of the 14th she said that is too soon for her.  I totally get that this is way difficult for her and completely unexpected, so I will give her her time, but this needs to be in the best interest in the child.  I want to give her time to wrap her head around it, but by next Monday I will be able to see how he is.  (If he feels comfortable or not.)  He was a very happy and playful little guy.  Very friendly, waving, smiling, clicking his tongue.  He has a funny little laugh too, so my thought is, if he is comfortable, after not seeing me for nearly a week he would be fine with longer and more frequent visits.  Tentatively the move in date for him is July 1st.  That is just so far off, although do-able if it’s the only way to do this.

Also bizarre was that his bio-mom showed up at the location just seconds after I got there with my mom.  The SW’s shuffled us off and then they said the foster mom has contact with the bio-mom.  It was just ODD that she was there.  I wanted to introduce myself but there was no need and it was just a ‘huh’ moment.  So much strangeness, so I will keep y’all posted.  Hopefully after our Monday visit I will have some better progress.  I just don’t see how having two 1-2 hour visits a week can really help a child adjust.  I’m sure for the first week, it’s a great idea, but if the foster mom is not happy with the whole idea it could easily sabotage the situation because she would be irritated or sad each time she meets with me.  That’s not good energy for him.  Anyway, enough of my rambling.  Back to waiting.

Oh, and I don’t even have a picture of him beacuse I didn’t feel it was a good idea to take pictures of him when the foster mom was stressing about the whole situation.