Devastation

Baby is still here, yeah! But the judge/6 month review will be later this month to determine if he will stay as a foster placement for a few more months while his parents get housing or if he will move into an adoption placement. He would still stay but the paperwork would differ. His parents truly do love him but they have their struggles so only time will tell.

Devastation you ask, yes, August will never be the same for me. My mom, who has live with us since Korbin was just a few years old had some dental work done and complained that the assistant didn’t do a good enough job auctioning so she felt like she was inhaling pieces of tooth. Her asthma started acting up and after almost a week she went to the doctor. Her lungs sounded clear so he gave her asthma meds and sent her on her way. A little over a week later she was still pretty sick. She went back tot the doc and he gave her antibiotics because she had a fever. By this time she is still sick so she starts researching and realizes that the filling was a good 35 years old or older and that she is showing symptoms of mercury poisoning. She was throwing up and having difficulty breathing. She found a clinic nearby that did chelation therapy and she made an appointment to they and get these heavy metals out of her. She went to two appointments in the course of two weeks and then started having severe shortness of breath. A few weeks ago she called 911 because she feared if she went to sleep she wouldn’t wake up. The EMTs took her in and I stayed with my kids. I woke after a collective few hoursof sleep, took the kids to school and visitation for the baby and headed to the hospital. She was admitted into the ICU which completely scared me, because after 12 hours she should have been in a regular room. That day they took a ct scan and saw nodules on her lungs. They took a biopsy that night and had results in a day that is was advanced lung cancer. My mom never smoked a day in her life so we were very schocked. She didn’t want to start chemo so I called every treatment clinic I could find, even Mexico and the cancer was too fast, faster than natural treatments. She started chemo the next day and before a week was out she was not progressing in the right direction. She died with me and my aunt by her side at 6:30 am on August 23. I still feel like I’m in shock and I’m scared that once the reality fully hits I won’t be able to function. I now have two kids, one who may not even stay and I have my mom gone. Shes missing all their antics and development. It’s terrible! It’s truly terrible. Over time I know this will be my outlet, so there may be less small people focus and more me, me, me focus. I have a ton of support but that doesn’t bring my mom back.

Whirlwind!

I think whirlwind is the only thing I can think of to describe these last two months. I ended up getting a call the next day to pick up a 6 day old baby from the hospital. He was so small and is not at a point where he may or may not go back with his parents. He had some exposure to various substances while mom was pregnant and thankfully was born ‘clean.’ He is finally sleeping through the night which is GRAND and he’s growing like a weed. I love this little guy and would be very happy if he stayed, but truly happy for his parents if they were/are able to do all they need to do to bring him home. Mom seems to think she may not be able to keep him and the babies lawyer thinks the same thing (he’s her 3rd and she doesn’t have any of them). fortunately they (his parents) have been at each of his twice weekly visits. I just want the best for this baby, whatever that may be.

Korbin will be 4 in a month and the time has gone by so quickly. I’m including so recent photos of both. The baby however hardly even looks the same. I feel like he changes every few hours!

A call, but not THE call

So I finally get a call today from one of the placement workers but it was on my cell so I didn’t realize I had a missed call until almost an hour later. I called back three times (I wasn’t obsessed…I only left a message once), but no call back yet. She mentioned that the placement may not be permanent but that it was for a newborn boy, just five days old that is about to be discharged from the hospital. I’m hoping and anticipating a call tomorrow, but county is so unpredictable that one never knows.

A new business venture

I have started a new WAH (work at home) business. I am hoping it will eventually become successful enough to either help me to fund a domestic adoption or at least be able to stay at home with my kid(s). I’m really over the corporate culture. It’s depressing and oppressive, and frustrating, and physically, mentally, and emotionally draining, and down right painful. In will not let this current job take me away from the job I chose for myself. That of being a mother and servant of God. So, if you will, please spend a few moments perusing my online children’s bookstore. There are puzzles, puppets, CDs and much more. The items are perfect for infants all the way to 12 years old my website is Barefoot Books

Still waiting for Chip

So my licensing worker finally came for a visit yesterday. I have realized it is next to impossible to clean my house with a child at home or even in the house. I cleaned as well as I could and was not anywhere near happy with the results, but seriously my house is safe and I want to provide the basis for a child to grow and thrive, so all the rat will fall into place.

My licensing analyst has licensed 2 homes so far with mine being the fifth family she has and she said she is going to make sure to finish these last three and all the paperwork should be on her supervisors desk by the end of next week. So I’m frustrated that she is new to this division of the agency, but glad to possibly have a placement by spring.

Sigh! Tired of waiting.

Paper pregnant

I went for my physical today but I still need a TB test. I also let the licensing agent a message to set up the appointment for her walk through. I also went shopping for a bassinet, some swaddles and I’ll order diapers on Friday. Gotta be prepared!

What a day!

Today was crazy! I had to call CPS on a mom who bit her kid yesterday because he almost bit her. Yes the parent bit the child…crazy,huh?!? She is stressed and needs help, and I’m hoping she gets the services she needs and soon. The whole event just made the day stressful and taxing. The case worker that came was the instructor for my very first PRIDE class so I felt an instant connection which made the uncomfortableness a little less.

Changing subjects…

So I’m on the fence about baby number two. when I look at things honestly I know the likelihood of me being able to save 30 or 40 grand or even 10 grand for an adoption just isn’t going to happen. I really am not ready to morn the loss of a domestic adoption right now. To just not make that a possibility right now is NOT okay with me. I don’t want to let it go. I want a baby and it’s really getting frustrating that this process is so long, again! I’m trying not to be consumed but, alas, too late. I have my last foster care PRIDE class in Saturday and then I can call the licensing worker to set up the home visit. Gosh, more house cleaning I guess. Maybe that will help me work through the stress right now.

Arrrg, adoption frustration! Again!

Possible turns into No

I received a possible situation about a birthmom due November 26 a few days ago and within 24 hours I had contacted an interstate lawyer (because we are not in the same state), my adoption agency to update my homestudy/re-write it since its been 2 years and of course I googled a ton. Just yesterday I heard from the source that first relayed her info that birthmom is looking for a married couple. Very disappointing, but this news (prior to the letdown) was just what I needed to motivate myself to get paper ready. I’ve pushed this off for 6 months and I’m ready to just get my next child(ren) and continue with motherhood and not jump through all these hoops. I will have to seriously consider if I even want to continue with foster care. This county doesn’t look like a match for me. Hmmmm…

paperchase

A few months ago I identified a sibling group in Oregon (6 and 8 years) that are the same religion as me and I totally fell for these kiddos. I posted their availability to an adoption group I am on (since my house really doesn’t have room for 2 more) and I truly thought someone on the group would ‘claim’ them, but alas no one did. So as I look through photolisitings every few weeks, because as much as I think I want a baby, I think I want even more an older child whose life I could/can improve immediately, I see them again. This time they have updated pictures and they are listed as children of faith who ‘any family that adopts them should be prepared to accept that.’ Well, that just doesn’t work for me, so now I am on a mission to bring these children home and I’ve left messages all over my county in hopes of getting someone to give me an answer TODAY! My impatience really brings out the mama bear in me sometimes.

My main questions have been: does the state I’m in, California, work with the interstate compact (rather will the social services office be able to do it?); will the county prepare all the paperwork and complete my homestudy or am I going to have to pay a chunk to get that updated? Also, will they license for foster care, transfer custody of these children to California and my county and have the adoption finalized here? I’m hoping they will be able to do this so I don’t have to spend thousands just to build my family.

Whether my county is able to do their part or not I will still have to get some detailed information on these children before I schedule a visit. I have so many questions: what happened to their bios, why are they living with their grandparents; how long have they been in care (I’ve only seen them on the photolisting for the past few months, but that isn’t a true timeline); what are their feelings about being adopted; where is there development; how do they interact with other children (I need to protect Korbin at all costs). I think that’s the gamut of my questions for now.

And now I continue to wait for the phone to ring. At least I’m in familiar territory.

‘Well, I need a pet.’

So we see cows today outside and Korbin says, ‘well, I want a pet mom.’ I said a cow needs to have a place to walk around. He said it can play outside on my porch. Then I said he needs to eat grass and play and he said (after a pause), it can go to school for cows, like kids do. Then I said, ‘what about sleeping’. And he said, ‘I’ll have to think about that.’ Then he said, ‘it can have a cow bed in your room, by you.’

Oh goodness, this boy can think things through.